Thursday, October 24, 2013

Emotional Agility

The kind of dramatic changes you can create in your life only happen through persistent, constant, decisions on a moment-to-moment basis. Relentless determination to experience life through a different filter with different outcomes does not happen magically. You have to dig down and see all the darkness along with the light. You have to accept all the little dirty corners along with the beautiful windows. You have to realize and verbalize the kind of person you actually desire to be, and then make the changes through every moment of your life. Anything less and you will never achieve what you are aiming for. This article outlined the exact process I took upon myself about 3 years ago. But I didn't call it anything. And I didn't go to a therapist.

Solitude. Writing. Yoga.

If anything, it is a great article to bookmark and reference when I need to be reminded of... everything. Damn. So good.

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

All of the Games. All of the Thrones.

Here is to having much more information than I realized, stored away in my brain from forgotten classes. Apparently I can put it to good use in a field that I have never been educated. Seriously, I never thought I would use my Lean training for college level healthcare curriculum review. Life, you are so weird.

Here is to playing like I hold a royal flush. Saying yes to everything. Going for it.

Yes, to yoga studio desk job of sweaty zen OCD awesomeness.

Yes, to STEM non-profit that is giving me a VEX robot to program, and handfuls of inner city high school students to teach about engineering.

Yes, to applying for the Executive Director position for Career and Technical Education in Fulton County.

Yes, to accepting my placement in the Peace Corps. After all, they don't want to deploy me until June 2014, and that is a looooong time from now.

Yes, to random curriculum review jobs that somehow utilize my knowledge base even though the two fields seem terribly unrelated.

Yes to getting out of summer vacation mode and into making a life for myself mode.

I will play all of the games. I want all of the thrones.

Also, the Imp is allllmost my favorite character. At least in the top 3.

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Education, Sports, and Salary

I used to think it was home schooling and absence of athletic ability that caused my lack of team spirit. Not that I don't like working in teams, but being a sports fan. My college did not have a football team, and honestly, being a Masters student doesn't leave you much time to get into the undergrad fanaticism. So, I am not really sure where it started, but the more I see how skewed the monetary allotment is in higher education it makes me almost nauseous. And gives me no reason to want to be a fan.

After reading some articles that back up and prove my feelings for the past 15 years I am even less inclined to support college football--never mind the fact it is almost like a religion in the south which is bs. How about you pour that funding into your science, health, arts, and engineering departments? Make sure those professors and equipment are taken care of and updated as often as your football team facilities. Bet you would have more graduates that can contribute to society instead of the social arena of pro sports. Sweet Jesus.

Who's Your Highest Paid Public Employee? 

Let's Separate the Schoolin' From the Sports

P.S. Someone asked me why I felt the way I do about sports. They also felt the need to tell me they were going to 'fix' me and my lack of support for teams. While I never got around to answering the question I am pretty certain I don't need to be fixed. Boom.

Monday, April 15, 2013

Everything and Nothing At All

There are two basic emotions that we operate from: Love and Fear. Everything else is a trickle down feeling.

In reflection of some recent (extremely emotional) personal events and what happened in Boston today I can't help but return to this thought.

Kids are cruel. I see it every. single. day. Adults are simply kids with more access to tools to express their emotions. 

If you react to someone who is different or quirky or weird or unique with an attitude of fear then they learn to be feared. They learn to be afraid. 

And when people are afraid they either withdraw or they lash out. 

So, the next time you want to pass judgement on that person who talks differently, walks differently, or has a commentary different from your train of thought, just pause and reflect. What will you teach them with your actions? Will you teach them fear or will you teach love? 

The craziest thing about all this is how it is against our nature to push back at someone who is nice. Our innermost being of humanity reacts to what is thrown it's way. Be terse with the waiter and you get bad service. Yell at the guy who is going too slow (for you) and they will go slower. Try it.
I don't like living in a world where kindness is met with surprise. 

Be the change you wish to see in the world. Not the preacher of it. You are *not* entitled to jack anything. 

My heart goes out to everyone in Boston. I am deeply saddened by it and humbled by the enormity of our society. My world is but a mere speck and yet I am the sun. Sometimes it is easy to get lost in our lives and forget there are so many other people out there, living simultaneous, unattached, and equally important lives. Hrm. Life. You continue to elude and overpower me. 

In summary, which has nothing to do with this post, Twilight is the most horrifically terrible movie in every way possible: acting, script, color saturation, cinematography, special effects, plot, etc. But, they paid someone to get a hell of a sound track--of which I am shamelessly listening to this week. I really like this song: 

Sunday, April 7, 2013

First Name is Last Name

Phillip Phillips. The kid has a pretty decent album, I dare say. I had no idea he was from American Idol--which shows you how much I am tapped into pop culture. I was burnt out from his song "Home" which is horrifically overplayed on the radio, and wasn't really interested in exploring him any further, but a reputable friend suggested I take a listen.  Thanks, Tim, that was some good advice :)

All I can say is that he has beautiful lyrics, and sounds a lot like Dave Matthews. Nothing beats a guy with a guitar. Not quite a swoon, but I dig. Very much. Here is a taste of his sound past what we hear once an hour on top 40.

Gone, Gone, Gone.

Friday, April 5, 2013

The Perks...

...of Being a Wallflower. Is a much better movie than I expected.

"You accept the love you think you deserve."

"It's not about where you came from, it's where you choose to go from here."

Nailed. It.

(fun soundtrack, too)

Sunday, March 24, 2013

Different and the Same

It is so fun when I hear, almost word for word, the exact same message in different scenarios / parts / aspects of my life.

Last weekend I was in a class where were were told to not just rely on what we can do easily, but acknowledge the gaps in our dancing and focus on those parts; to see where we are weak and challenge ourselves to grow.

Tonight, in yoga, Todd told the class to not rely on the easy parts of a pose, but to challenge ourselves to really reach the full expression. That the places we are the weakest are the places we have the most room for growth.


Not an unfamiliar or new concept. It is not like I haven't heard this before or am totally amazeballs over this truth. Just a little reflection and bookmark on when this concept placed itself very loudly in my path this year. There are areas in my life that I rely on as my strengths, and there are weakness that I like to ignore. Maybe it is time to challenge those areas and work towards some new growth.

In the meantime, as I figure out what the hell that means, here is a pretty song:

Tuesday, March 19, 2013


I have never been big on celebrity crushes. They are stupid and pointless.

However, I think I could have Justin Timberlake for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

Every day of the week.

I make a good point, right?

Sunday, February 24, 2013

Overview, The Film

'Astronaut' was never on my list of possible career choices. I did not memorize constellations, or dream of overcoming gravity inside a massive shuttle. There was a great deal of star gazing, cloud watching, and daydreaming of being able to fly, though, which should have culminated into a lifetime of being or working with space. Not so much.

The neatest thing about this video is that it ties together the philosophy of community and the reality of just how enormous the world is compared to us--and how tiny it is in the universe. It provides perspective on why we need to work with a communal mindset and treat our planet with respect.

I am so grateful for the people who have dedicated their lives to exploring beyond the earth's surface. Holy balls, it is impressive. I am also grateful that they give me a tangible / visible answer to a deep-seated desire to dedicate my life to helping others. It scratches on the surface of "why".

It encourages me to connect less virtually and care more in reality. It has given me a little bump of perspective to remember that we are all in this together and to act accordingly.

Now, to go find the book which has received either 1 or 5 starts on Amazon. Awesome.

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Taper Jean Girl

Kings of Leon Pandora Radio. Can't stop listening.

The longer I live the more I realize that timing is a total b*tch. The weird chemical reactions that we interpret as feelings follow no law or reason. At all. Ever. Forming a connection cannot be predicted, forced, or falsified; the heart does whatever it wants--whenever it wants. There is no such thing as 'should' or 'should not' in the world of emotion.

In other news I am still an INFJ. Figures...

Follow Your Heart - City and Colour

Wednesday, January 30, 2013


Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer. ~ R M Rilke

"In Letters To AYoung Poet"

Tuesday, January 29, 2013


This could not have popped up on my feed at a better time. Seriously. Don't ever say the universe doesn't have a plan. Or at least a sense of humor. Thanks, this is EXACTLY what I am flipping around in my head and heart these days.

Because my options in life are nearly endless, I have narrowed them down to:
1. Stay and love. Settle down. Work towards a concrete future. I am done with casual. This love hasn't gone anywhere despite time, distance, and distractions.
2. Leave and love. Move to another part of the world where nothing can remind or connect me to my last chapter.

I think the most frightening thing about both of these decisions is that they are pretty much out of my hands. I cannot control either of them. Sure, I can make efforts in either direction, but I am not the final say. So, what to do? Live forward. Love openly. Breath deeply. Trust that it will sort itself out as it always does. In the meantime, I am going to keep my theme song cranked...because if my experiences have taught me anything it is that, yes, anything really could happen...

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Twenty Four

I choreographed a modern dance for my sister when I was in college. She was going through some life changes that changing. I used this song to represent that every day can bring about a shift so great we have no idea how to handle it--but that is ok. (Also, she told me the news very close to my birthday which is on the 24th)

Despite being in a very different place in the religious sense, Switchfoot still strikes a chord during this tumultuous time.

Scared? A little.
Nervous? A lot.
Determined? Very much so.

I'm not coping out.

Thursday, January 3, 2013

2013: Year of Courage

Lentil soup is delicious. Nom nom nom . . .

I suppose if I were to approach this whole resolution topic in a chronological manner I would write my 2012 summary. However, those thoughts have already been written down in my paper journal (which can be transcribed) and these new thoughts are fresh in my mind as of the drive home from work / yoga class. The Love wrap-up will just have to wait.

"Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage." 

This year's theme of 'Courage' holds so many deeper meanings the more I ponder the concept. The obvious would be the major life changes I am considering and moving towards. I know that I am going to need a hell of a lot of courage to change my living situation, job status, and other such grounding elements. But, the more and more I think about all the parts of life that courage applies to, it is almost overwhelming. Literally, every single decision we make in life could use a little courage. Calling a parent about a student's behavior, telling your principal you were 3 hours late to work because you slept through three alarms, confessing your true feelings to someone, telling another person you have no feelings, registering for a dance competition you feel totally out-classed in, are all situations in which I usually make excuses, punk out, or just become passive. So, in order to make a habit of courage I have decided to make courage be my response to every little thing just like Love was last year.

"Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen."

Could this go terribly awry? Absolutely. As with most things in life :) I don't think that one should simply say everything that comes to mind, or make sudden/crazy/rash/poor/any choices about the direction of their life just to be courageous. In my case, though, I find that this resolution rings true because I have become too complacent and comfortable with my life. Too much talk and not enough do. It will help with procrastination, all forms of relationships, dance, and the path upon which I want to take for the rest of my life (or at least the next few years).

"It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power."

And so begins 2013: Year of Courage. I have already made a hell of a start by being honest and open with a friend about a difficult (yet relieving) topic, and communicated with the PC about my application status. I can already see that honesty will be a focal point throughout this process.

"Courage is not simply one of the virtues, but the form of every virtue at the testing point." 

Yes. 2013 is going to be an interesting year.

"Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear."

Separator ~ Radiohead
"Like I've fallen out of bed
From a long and vivid dream
Finally I'm free of all the weight I've been carrying"

Blinding ~ Florence and the Machine