Thursday, May 22, 2014

Simplethings

GIRLS was better than usual tonight. All 4 episodes. F.

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

...who you used to be.



Seriously needed to read this today.

Thursday, April 17, 2014

Content Doesn't Mean Complacent

I am fairly convinced that the more content you are, the easier it is to change.

Before, it felt like running. Before, it was a desperate scramble to escape from perceived flaw.

Now, it is a move towards the next chapter. Now, it is living every day authentically with purpose and direction.

The romance of living in the city, walking and riding my bike to work has been fulfilled. Working at a 'real' job instead of in education has been realized. It is all part of the process. Life likes to fool us into thinking that there is an ultimate goal. Nope.

There are very few elements and people that will pull on my heartstrings as I say goodbye. The city is comfortable, at most. A number of personalities will always be in my life, regardless of my zip code, but I can list them on two hands. Which is healthy, I suppose.

No, it is time to move on. Last year would have been forced and frantic. This year it is right.

Hello, New Job, New State, New Life. I always loved living amidst cornfields. Time for some big sky county and refocusing - everything.

Now to enjoy some vacationing travels before the real travels begin. *swoon*



Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Three months in . . .

It has taken a few months for this year's intention to seep in.

Relentlessly.

To meander it's way through the cracks and fill in all the little momentary voids that make up the decisions that form our lives.

Relentlessly.

To manifest itself in a overwhelmingly fierce way that keeps you from ever doubting it's existence.

Relentlessly.

As of this week, though, I have felt the pull of a new intentional habit starting to take precedence over the inertia of my year-long mental summer vacation. Before three hard-hitting actions taken today I felt as though I was still just flowing along with the occasional self inflicted pep-talk. Nope, today shit happened. And it felt good. Really good.

Relentlessly asking questions...
Relentlessly checking off checklists...
Relentlessly reliable...
Relentlessly not taking shit...
Relentlessly being honest...
Relentlessly going after whatever the hell it is I want to do for the rest of my life...
Relentlessly loving, respecting, and giving...

Plans change, lives change, addresses change, but intentions stay the same. I feel like I have hit a huge reset button on my life since leaving teaching, while at the same time finally connecting my past to my future instead of reinventing and going on an entirely new path. Super. Weird. Feeling.

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Gayatri

In the end
when these bones

are only bones

all that matters
is how much we gave,

how much we loved.



http://www.last.fm/music/Benjy+Wertheimer/_/Gayatri

Monday, March 3, 2014

You Can't Eat Beauty

Oscar Winner Lupita Nyong'o's Speech On Beauty That Left An Entire Audience Speechless:

"It was perplexing and I wanted to reject it because I had begun to enjoy the seduction of inadequacy. But a flower couldn’t help but bloom inside of me. When I saw Alek I inadvertently saw a reflection of myself that I could not deny. Now, I had a spring in my step because I felt more seen, more appreciated by the far away gatekeepers of beauty, but around me the preference for light skin prevailed. To the beholders that I thought mattered, I was still unbeautiful. And my mother again would say to me, "You can’t eat beauty. It doesn’t feed you." And these words plagued and bothered me; I didn’t really understand them until finally I realized that beauty was not a thing that I could acquire or consume, it was something that I just had to be.

And what my mother meant when she said you can’t eat beauty was that you can’t rely on how you look to sustain you. What is fundamentally beautiful is compassion for yourself and for those around you. That kind of beauty enflames the heart and enchants the soul."



Sunday, February 16, 2014

It's Only Love That Gets You Through

Sade is one of my go-to artists when I am not quite sure what to put on the speaker box. Lovers Rock is, by far, her best album with Solder of Love (for me) a close second. A friend's post on the facebooks reminded me of her love-centric lyrics, so I put a few of her albums on shuffle on the Friday evening drive to Birmingham. Despite the fact I have heard this song hundreds of times, it finally made sense that night. It is undoubtably her least romantic song (next to Pearls or Immigrant) but now it is tied as a top favorite.

I mean, shit, with three simple, poetic, verses she paints a picture of strength through the emotion we most associate with vulnerability; perseverance and victory through the trials of whatever life the subject has experienced up until this point. It is about not letting bitterness and resentment be your foundation-regardless of your past. Maybe one day, when I write those seven years all down--when it is all out in the open--it will make more sense. Until then, I will just say that this is the perfect Valentines Day song this year. Because, honestly, as cliche as it sounds, it reminds us that we don't need someone To Love in order to love. We just need to, well, love. The rest takes care of itself.

It's Only Love That Get's You Through - Sade
Girl you are rich even with nothing
And you know tenderness comes from pain
It's amazing how you love
And love is kind and love can give
And get no gain

It's down a rugged road you've come
Though you had every reason
You didn't come undone
Somehow you made it to the other side
You didn't suffer in vain

You forgive those who have trespassed against you
And you know tenderness comes from pain
It's amazing how you love
And love is kind and love can give
And love needs no gain



*Smooth Operator came out the year I was born. Sade is also the hottest and oldest Diva. Ever.

Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Don't Date a Girl Who Travels

Who the hell knows why I have nomadic tendencies.  Nature or nurture has freedom firmly imprinted on my heart. Here is a very modern, pintrest-esque, essay that sums it all up quite nicely. Fudge.

Don’t date a girl who travels
AdiAdi in Better Humans

She’s the one with the messy unkempt hair colored by the sun. Her skin is now far from fair like it once was. Not even sun kissed. It’s burnt with multiple tan lines, wounds and bites here and there. But for every flaw on her skin, she has an interesting story to tell.

Don’t date a girl who travels. She is hard to please. The usual dinner-movie date at the mall will suck the life out of her. Her soul craves for new experiences and adventures. She will be unimpressed with your new car and your expensive watch. She would rather climb a rock or jump out of an airplane than hear you brag about it.

Don’t date a girl who travels because she will bug you to book a flight every time there’s an airline seat sale. She wont party at Republiq. And she will never pay over $100 for Avicii because she knows that one weekend of clubbing is equivalent to one week somewhere far more exciting.

Chances are, she can’t hold a steady job. Or she’s probably daydreaming about quitting. She doesn’t want to keep working her ass off for someone else’s dream. She has her own and is working towards it. She is a freelancer. She makes money from designing, writing, photography or something that requires creativity and imagination. Don’t waste her time complaining about your boring job.

Don’t date a girl who travels. She might have wasted her college degree and switched careers entirely. She is now a dive instructor or a yoga teacher. She’s not sure when the next paycheck is coming. But she doesn’t work like a robot all day, she goes out and takes what life has to offer and challenges you to do the same.

Don’t date a girl who travels for she has chosen a life of uncertainty. She doesn’t have a plan or a permanent address. She goes with the flow and follows her heart. She dances to the beat of her own drum. She doesn’t wear a watch. Her days are ruled by the sun and the moon. When the waves are calling, life stops and she will be oblivious to everything else for a moment. But she has learned that the most important thing in life isn’t surfing.

Don’t date a girl who travels as she tends to speak her mind. She will never try to impress your parents or friends. She knows respect, but isn’t afraid to hold a debate about global issues or social responsibility.

She will never need you. She knows how to pitch a tent and screw her own fins without your help. She cooks well and doesn’t need you to pay for her meals. She is too independent and wont care whether you travel with her or not. She will forget to check in with you when she arrives at her destination. She’s busy living in the present. She talks to strangers. She will meet many interesting, like-minded people from around the world who share her passion and dreams. She will be bored with you.

So never date a girl who travels unless you can keep up with her. And if you unintentionally fall in love with one, don’t you dare keep her. Let her go.

This article has resonated with so many women around the world and has been translated into 16 different languages including South American Spanish, German, Italian, Portuguese Brazilian, Russian, French-Canadian, Dutch, Greek, Danish, Portuguese European, Swedish, Croatian, Estonian, Russian, Czech, European Spanish and Thai.

Check out my blog www.lovethesearch.com for the translated versions.

The Hard Things

Looks like it's time for a refresher course on what I set out to do in 2014. Not a resolution but an intention.

What are you really made of, and what do you really want?

19 Hard Things You Need To Do To Be Successful 

Friday, January 24, 2014

Six Harsh Truths

In line with the new year intention of 'Relentless' I am going to bookmark an article shared with me today by a very old friend. No, he isn't old, we have just know each other for a long time. Sheesh.
Anyway, it was a great read; mildly painful, very eye-opening, and a nice kick in the pants for me to start actually DOING what it is that is on my mind as my next endeavor in life.

Fuck you, fear.

6 Harsh Truths That Will Make You A Better Person

I like this. The Alot Monster kind of like:

"So how about this: one year. The end of 2014, that's our deadline. Or a year from whenever you read this. While other people are telling you "Let's make a New Year's resolution to lose 15 pounds this year!" I'm going to say let's pledge to do fucking anything -- add any skill, any improvement to your human tool set, and get good enough at it to impress people. Don't ask me what -- hell, pick something at random if you don't know. Take a class in karate, or ballroom dancing, or pottery. Learn to bake. Build a birdhouse. Learn massage. Learn a programming language. Film a porno. Adopt a superhero persona and fight crime. Start a YouTube vlog. Write for Cracked.

But the key is, I don't want you to focus on something great that you're going to make happen to you ("I'm going to find a girlfriend, I'm going to make lots of money ..."). I want you to purely focus on giving yourself a skill that would make you ever so slightly more interesting and valuable to other people."


Tuesday, January 21, 2014

West Coast Flows Home

The impact you make on another person with words and actions, while imperceptible at first, is in fact, permanent. Sometimes we like to think we have the right to give counsel; to tell another person how to live their life, based on our own experience is how we make the most change in the world. False.

The people who enter our lives and are so intensely themselves without apology are the ones that leave the biggest mark. Mean the most. Challenge us the most. Provide us with the opportunity to grow and be a true friend -- or flee in selfish fear.

Tonight, as I created the chalk board art to promote the last class with Todd LaBerge at Atlanta Hot Yoga, the tears that have been lurking for weeks started to surface. I honestly can say that Todd has been the most influential person in my life for the past three years. This month marks when I chose to start practicing yoga to expand my physical and social activities. I took a few random classes and then wandered into his groovy West Coast Power Flow class one late Thursday night in Feb 2011. Afterwards he asked why I wasn't in class more often and I said because I couldn't afford it. He called bullshit and told me I could tidy/clean the studio in trade for his class. The rest is history. For the next three years I stacked blocks, cleaned mats, flipped laundry, blew out the candles, and sweated my way through the most unapologetically authentic yoga practices I could have never expected. Tears during savasana, and giggles alongside my new-found yogi neighbors.

Through his generosity I was able to practice yoga. Through his friendship I learned about communication, forthrightness, and how to respect yourself by requiring the respect of others. I learned how to not put every man in the place of my lost father(s). I learned that no teacher is perfect, and that those imperfections are what makes them better than perfect--it makes them real.

Todd gave everything to his students. He talked about wine and ice cream and football. Even when he came in the door a hot mess he was ok with letting that be part of the class which always ended up, somehow, evolving into exactly what every person needed. We all said hello to our right elbow, or cheered on the Falcons/Niners/Whoeverwaswinninghisfantasyleague during this zen-based practice. We grooved like the ocean and shot arrows of love into the future. Prana washed over our bodies like a waterfall in Tahiti, and we always closed class with the universal sound of Om. But damn, everything in-between all the lovey, gooey, juju talk, was an ass kicking of the "who the hell invented this?!" kind. And for that my dancer joints and muscles are appreciative.

So, thank you, Todd. For everything. For loving me in my brokenness, and believing in me as I pushed through some of the hardest years of my life. You are a truly amazing person and I am so grateful that our paths have crossed. You have impacted the life of everyone you taught in Atlanta simply because you were authentic, caring, and generous with your love of the jo-ga. Especially this girl.

I don't get in the habit of missing people very often. Life is too short. But, I am going to say that your presence will be greatly missed. I guess I have one more reason to visit San Francisco, now.

Until then... every little thing, is gonna be alright.



Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Don't feel it anymore

Take space so you can use it. Breathe it in and back out again.

No matter if it is the scorpion or the rose, just let it go.

As with everything in life, this too has passed.

"I don't really care what you do, but I am going to try my very best to never see you again."

Ok.

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

2014 is Relentless

"You can't build a reputation on what you are going to do."

Well, to say that 2013 wrapped up with a bang is an understatement. Only so much of me will ever be told to the general public of the world wide internets, but essentially, courage carried me through leaving my job, and striking out on the adventure of a new life. I faced hard decisions head first and went with my gut. A few things I learned about myself are: I am not nearly as courageous as most people think, I am not doing what I really want to be doing, the Peace Corps is not in my future, being a teacher made me fall into a lackadaisical work ethic, I want to be in charge of my work situation, and living in the city is definitely my bag. Moving on . . .

"You must be passionate, you must dedicate yourself, and you must be relentless in the pursuit of your goals. If you do, you will be successful."

After an entire year of dedicating every single yoga practice to courage, I realized in November that I hadn't quite figured out the theme of 2014. The words perseverance, dedication, and relentless started creeping in my life around the same time it became blatantly apparent that I had been going with the flow and that flow wasn't moving very fast. And that it is time to pull out old-fashioned, family-forged, German-bred determination to make the rest of my life happen. Because, did I, like, graduate college again or something? Or maybe this is what life is truly like... you don't actually know what is going on, you just keep figuring it out. Constantly. 

So there it is, 2014, you are going to be the year of Relentlessness. This is not a resolution, it is an intention. I am not going to procrastinate. I am not going to waste away knowing I will always be able to scrape by. It is the year in which every opportunity will be lived out, and my goals will be dug at until they are seen to fruition--or proven to be the wrong ditch. I am no longer going to just get by--that mindset was carved into me at a very young age and is unhealthy at best, life-threatening at worst. I am looking this demon in the eye and saying "Fuck you, I am relentless". 


There have been so many people who have said to me, 'You can't do that,' but I've had an innate belief that they were wrong. Be unwavering and relentless in your approach.

No details needed here. Just the quote to remind me about all the bullshit I have been through in terms of, well, everything.


Be relentless and then you'll break through.

Yes, yes I will.


If you truly dig what you are doing, if you lay it out that way, nobody can not respond. That's what rock and roll is; it's relentless.

Seriously can't wait to rock and roll the ISH out of 2014. Plans have changed, the universe has spoken. Now it's up to me to take charge and dig even deeper to use the Change, use the Love, use the Courage, that has come about over the past 3 years, and break out into the life that I truly am meant to live. I have goals, but they don't need to be written down. They don't need to be posted on my wall or on the internet. They are in my heart which means they will never be forgotten. They burn inside me every day as I wake up and as I go to sleep. Relentlessly.

The Invitation

The beautiful Ms. O spoke many of these words at the end of last year during one of her classes. It is a reminder for what is to come this year . . .


The Invitation
Oriah ~ Mountain Dreamer

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shrivelled and closed from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it, or fade it, or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own; if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself. If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul. If you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty even when it is not pretty every day. And if you can source your own life from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand at the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, 'Yes.'

It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.